Go. One. More.

My door is open as I write (10:11 AM). It's a rather fallish like day here in my old Kentucky home. Low humidity and a cool gentle breeze blowing. I even had my tea on the deck this morning. Nice way to start a Saturday. It's been such a hot, oppressive summer so this is a very welcome change.

What has not been so nice is how badly I've felt these past three weeks. Bad. Very bad. I'm not feeling all that great even now yet I'm feeling a tad better than I have been. I'm not even sure why I'm writing except to give family and friends an update and perhaps simply to share what I'm going through.

Photo by Katja Brezovar

In addition to my Lyme protocol, I've been on a homeopathic series therapy to treat CMV (Cytomegalovirus) that has reared it's ugly head once again. Think mono. CMV is a cousin to EBV or Epstein-Barr Virus, the most common cause of mononucleosis. CMV and EBV, like Lyme, also get into the nervous system as well other organs. All of this together equals a burdened and overtaxed body that needs a break. Part of the problem is that we've revved up my immune system too much. I'm having an overactive immune response and my muscles, joints and lymph nodes have been paying the price. Clearly, we've had to back off a bit. It's a rather delicate balance. And it's such a complicated and crazy process. Unless you've experienced it up close and personal; you wouldn't believe it all if I told you.

I saw my doctor earlier this week. Correction - I dragged myself to my doctor earlier this week. It was pretty evident I was feeling awful and so we discussed everything that's been happening and made adjustments to my protocol. Yet my body wants to finish out this round of CMV treatment. I'll be done with it in the upcoming week. Still onward ho with the Lyme treatment.

As unwell as I generally feel, there are these times when everything - fatigue, fever, pain, inflammation, and all the other stuff - exacerbates or elevates to the worst level. Ask anyone with Lyme or any chronic illness for that matter and they'll say the same.

As my friend Kathy blogs, this illness has altered everything and requires everything to be altered. What's altered for me lately is the drive to keep pressing in. It's really hard to do when you physically feel so bad and have pressed and persevered for so many years. Yet somehow, someway (Godway) I will press on. I always do. Even when I'm crawling.

Note to self: Don't stop now. Go. One. More.



The Good, The Bad And The Ugly: My Summer Health Update

I think Clint Eastwood would be fond of my title. *Smiling* Or perhaps I should have entitled it, "Go ahead, you punk, Lyme; make my day."  *Eyes squinting*

Nevertheless, here's the lowdown. I am into my eleventh month on the chronic Lyme protocol, and things are definitely in motion. And it is a combination of good, bad, and ugly parts, so the title is quite fitting. Indeed, this process is akin to peeling an onion. The more layers we peel back, the more we find to deal with. And so it's been through the years. It is an incredibly complex process. 

I have been in this for so long, I've learned how to cope, adjust and pace myself and my expectations. That isn't to say I'm not hopeful. I am very much and especially because of my faith. It's walking through this process of healing after being sick and debilitated for so many years that's so challenging. Believe me when I say you cannot understand unless you've been here. I sincerely pray you never are.

Right now, viral co-infections are surfacing again. I say again because I've dealt with many of these for years, not knowing that chronic Lyme disease was underlying all the while (Lyme actually suppresses immune function and opens the door to other infections). Seems this all came in reverse order for me. Regardless, Borrelia (Lyme bacteria), Cytomegalovirus (CMV), Epstein-Barr (EBV), and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever (A tick-borne bacteria and Lyme co-infection) are the most problematic for me at this point and in that order. 

I believe old viral infections resurfacing is a sign that the Lyme treatment is working very profoundly. This physically translates into me not feeling well on many days, and some days are just downright bad, but at least it's for the sake of healing. I feel a deep sense of gratitude to my body for forever working so hard.

As for the viruses, we're treating them homeopathically, which is one core part of my treatment protocol. Homeopathic Medicine is potent, safe, and very effective. I've found it's the best way to go for me. I say this after spending several years on multiple prescription drugs with little to no improvement or change except for a hefty dose of side effects. Wait. Was that sarcasm coming out of me? I am clearly detoxing, but it's true.

Despite what some might say, healing from long-term Lyme disease and co-infections is not easy, and it certainly doesn't happen overnight. There really are no words to convey how sick I've been throughout all these years and how it has impacted every facet of my life. Or how trying the many long days, weeks, months, and years have been. I have often felt Jobesque.

Yet, God has been doing something during all this time, something within me. He still is. Training time in the wilderness on the backside of the mountain, I guess you could say. Maybe you're there too. And even though this road is long and challenging, even though I long for better days, I have many things to be thankful for, even though I don't always understand. It's bittersweet but true nonetheless. 

So I remain in the throes of healing and recovery. There is some improvement overall, albeit slowly. I've had a few better days scattered here and there, but none like I did back in the Spring when I had ten straight days that I felt better than I have in a very long time. 

I'm just now writing about this because, in all honesty, I wanted to keep it and savor it for myself. Then I realized I needed to share it to perhaps encourage others working to be well too. And to say that I believe this speaks of the fact that a transformation of healing is taking place in my body. Still, this is a much harder place to be than I can fully articulate. It's a fight - a fight to live and reclaim my life.  But isn't this the place where extraordinary transformations take place? Isn't this where tragedy is turned into triumph? Where true heroes emerge?

In ending, let me say I have personally learned true healing encompasses body, soul, and spirit. We cannot be entirely well physically or spiritually if we have unresolved emotions or grief. Conversely, whatever happens to us physically certainly flows over and affects us emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Therefore, proper physical diagnosis, treatment, and care are necessary to help the whole body heal and recover. And when we aren't spiritually connected to our Creator, we aren't fully living. 

I think Acts 17:28 captures it best, "For in Him we live and move and have our being." 

We are triad beings - body, soul, and spirit - made in the image of our triune God - God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. I believe complete health and wellness come about when we are well on all three of those levels. That's where I'm working.

Michelle Holderman

Copyright © 2011